and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
