thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
