then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
