My first STD was from a foam party
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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