and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
