Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
