I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
