Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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