I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
