you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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