R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
