OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
