Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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