There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
