my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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