At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
