We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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