3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
