i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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