How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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