Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What a dumb baby whore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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