I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
