What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize