I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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