just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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