So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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