it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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