i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
