Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
