the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
