The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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