After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
