No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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