If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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