this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My liver just had a heart attack.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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