u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize