Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
