So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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