I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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