I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
