He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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