How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
