You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
