That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
