I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
