My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
