I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
