we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
