this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
