sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
