I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
