i would punch a child for taco bell
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
