I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
