I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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