He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
