yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
