he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
