4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
