just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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