I CAN MOONWALK!
Your dad touched me again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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