At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
