we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
