sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize